What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:11
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What are some things that normal people do that religious people call sins?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My life is so biszare .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why are FtM trans just another type of woman?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
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I write beautiful poetry .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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I was very sick at this time too.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Put me off passion for life!!
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It was going to be , some day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
How is the legalization of same-sex marriage impacting societal norms in the USA?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I waited trembling.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why do some guys treat girls so badly?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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Another so called friend had bit the dust..
When she asked me how she looked .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What are some tips to stay young?
All the time i was locked up.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I said to her
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im still living with it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We all went to grammer schools
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was 9 years of age.
I was seconnd youngest,
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
I have no regrets .
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He knew the spot.
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I will be 64.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So, i spoilt her more .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was in good health!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Comes on , in middle age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
Who then, do I blame.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One cannot live in the past .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My family never makes their pension either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ive learnt so much.
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)